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Monday, January 24, 2011

The Paper Doll

Every night, Elisa sits in her chair like a doll. Cheeks with so much blush. Of course highlighting her very pronounced cheek bones. Oh, and her eyes. Sooo much mascara on her eyes it would be impossible to not see her blue ocean eyes from across the room...

She stands up suddenly. Her bohemian chic covers the most of her; flowing as she arrives at her destination: The Snack Table.

Chocolate fondue fountain- check.
Lemon Squares with powered sugar- check.
Succulent fruit drizzled in a rum based liquid- check.
and so many other goods that were not only of the best quality, but pleasing to the eye. 

Elisa doesn't take a moment to think- she instantly stretches her stickly arms across the array of food for a strawberry. 

She returns to her chair, and consumes it with such small bites... such small bites a mouse could have eaten five pieces of cheese in the 2 minutes it took to eat one large strawberry. It was the perfect one of course: red- almost rotten colored it was so deep a shade. Juicy too, one nick and sugary sweetness broke free from the bumpy and leathery skin. No one seemed to notice, however, that the girl eating the strawberry was devastated. 

She broke her will. 

She tried not to take anything, her goal and mind was set. 
"It's okay," she consoled herself, " i can run it off tomorrow."

Elisa, the average female highschool student, carried herself well. A gorgeous smile could win her a million dollars if she wanted it. But money couldn't buy her happiness- neither could her quarterback boyfriend who swore to propose to her after graduation.  That is, before he left her alone to suffer through her strange new eating habits. She wasn't what she used to be anymore, and he wasn't going to watch her kill herself.

After losing over 30 pounds, her boyfriend couldn't handle seeing her wither away any longer. Elisa was furious. She couldn't undo every little thing- all that hardwork and severe goal setting!- that she worked so, so very hard for. What would she have if she didn't have her backbone sticking out? or her ribs playing "seek" through her tank top in the summer? 

"Girl you lookin good, got some of that left to loose, huh?" the comment from one of the upper classmen that pushed her to break. Suddenly, 30 wasn't enough. she had to lose more. It was never going to be good enough. When was the stopping point? 

There was none. 

It was like a car going 100 miles down a highway...

Months later, weighing in at 74 pounds, Elisa is riding somewhere. Her head is spinning faster than a pinwheel in a hurricane. Where is she going? Who are these people in white talking as if she can't hear them?!

"My God. There isn't anything left of her."
"How has she survived this long?"
"Doctor, what can we do? She looks half dead already!"
Too many things to think about. Too many people, barging so rudely into her business!  The needle goes through her arm, and she draws back- it pinches. 
The IV goes in, and Elisa rests her head on the stark white, ice cold pillow case. 


The next two days were different. consciousness was not a state Elisa remained in for long periods of time.
It wasn't until half way through the week she was well enough to walk around the hospital. 
After returning, she saw a beautiful spring arrangement of flowers at her bed side. 

"Spring brings new changes in its season, I hope we can start over too."

It's been well over 2 years now... Elisa still knew the handwriting on the card, though. 
She was asked to accept a call the next day, and there he was. 
She was ashamed he would see her as she was. She didn't want him knowing any more than he had to. 
But he didn't say anything at all. He went over to her bed, took up her frail hand in his strong hand, and kissed it. 

Elisa burst into tears. Being accepted wasn't what she thought it was. The world never accepted her when she followed the eating suit. They always pushed for more.
He, on the other hand, reached over and held her- fragile as she was, just like a doll. 
Her eyes were sunken in, her cheeks were not made up with shimmer and pink pigment - but the natural glow in her eyes took over, and her cheeks became rosy at the touch of his hand. 

She had been accepted all along, no changes needed. 

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