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Friday, January 28, 2011

thoughts on personality

You know,
of all the things in the world, i feel as if i have always been somewhat criticized for my desire to travel.

I know it is not everyone's cup of tea, so to speak... but i think that to each his own. I would love to go out and do things- i love being active!
I know i might not seem like the type to just pick up and leave for a week or two, but i believe that within everyone's personality lies the desire for different things.

For instance: some may enjoy being around people all the time.
others may prefer quiet nights at home
some may like everything planned to the minute
others prefer to just "go with the flow"

it all depends on our personality and our mood, etc. i do not believe one of these is worse or better than another, i just feel that sometimes it is difficult to understand another's wants over our own.

we need to learn to be open. more engaging. more accepting of others' ideas. this in no way means being all for a view that is against your religious views, etc. however.

soon i  will have a post with some good hotels in different areas. stay tuned :D
<3

Wednesday, January 26, 2011

on the narrow path

i remember once upon a time
not so long before-
this feeling of crossroading
i could take no more

i could not walk the lonely road
guided without the sun-
i felt as if i were blind
with no where to run.

the rocks felt rough
the wind? it whipped my face
i shouldn't endure this alone!-
as i seek someone's embrace.

i was told to start the road
meeting strangers along the way
however hard it was- i was
Told to continue every day.

the road has not gotten easier
But the clouds will someday clear
i feel like my Father is watching
His presence, very near.

just about to give in
and turn from off this path
i feel a light, a warmth, a care
my soul, it seems to laugh.

a little nudge, a little push
nothing short of grace
i have the perseverance 
Now to continue on this way.




Hardly

I hardly knew your eyes
I hardly knew your smile
I hardly knew that I 
Would fall in love after a while.

I didn't know your laugh
I didn't know your voice
I didn't know my heart
Would leave me with no choice.

I knew that i was smarter
I knew that it wasn't right
I knew everything ...
But I thought "like me"... you might.

I tried not to care
I tried not to see
I tried not to think
About the jerk you could be.

You thought I knew you
I knew you didn't know me
Because alot of pretty words
Can be seen as shallow- like a creek.

Monday, January 24, 2011

A poem for my short story that is coming...

Waiting for the clock,
To begin to mock-
As I sit at the dock
Trying not to be in shock
*
Sitting and working here
Needing no emotions of cheer
I believe it all came in clear
When I heard him call me "Dear"
*
Now i dont know
I think it was all for show-
Perhaps pretty low,
For him to let me go.
*
But there are
Bigger
Better
and the possibility of Forever.

The Paper Doll

Every night, Elisa sits in her chair like a doll. Cheeks with so much blush. Of course highlighting her very pronounced cheek bones. Oh, and her eyes. Sooo much mascara on her eyes it would be impossible to not see her blue ocean eyes from across the room...

She stands up suddenly. Her bohemian chic covers the most of her; flowing as she arrives at her destination: The Snack Table.

Chocolate fondue fountain- check.
Lemon Squares with powered sugar- check.
Succulent fruit drizzled in a rum based liquid- check.
and so many other goods that were not only of the best quality, but pleasing to the eye. 

Elisa doesn't take a moment to think- she instantly stretches her stickly arms across the array of food for a strawberry. 

She returns to her chair, and consumes it with such small bites... such small bites a mouse could have eaten five pieces of cheese in the 2 minutes it took to eat one large strawberry. It was the perfect one of course: red- almost rotten colored it was so deep a shade. Juicy too, one nick and sugary sweetness broke free from the bumpy and leathery skin. No one seemed to notice, however, that the girl eating the strawberry was devastated. 

She broke her will. 

She tried not to take anything, her goal and mind was set. 
"It's okay," she consoled herself, " i can run it off tomorrow."

*****
Elisa, the average female highschool student, carried herself well. A gorgeous smile could win her a million dollars if she wanted it. But money couldn't buy her happiness- neither could her quarterback boyfriend who swore to propose to her after graduation.  That is, before he left her alone to suffer through her strange new eating habits. She wasn't what she used to be anymore, and he wasn't going to watch her kill herself.

After losing over 30 pounds, her boyfriend couldn't handle seeing her wither away any longer. Elisa was furious. She couldn't undo every little thing- all that hardwork and severe goal setting!- that she worked so, so very hard for. What would she have if she didn't have her backbone sticking out? or her ribs playing "seek" through her tank top in the summer? 

"Girl you lookin good, got some of that left to loose, huh?" the comment from one of the upper classmen that pushed her to break. Suddenly, 30 wasn't enough. she had to lose more. It was never going to be good enough. When was the stopping point? 

There was none. 

It was like a car going 100 miles down a highway...

*****
Months later, weighing in at 74 pounds, Elisa is riding somewhere. Her head is spinning faster than a pinwheel in a hurricane. Where is she going? Who are these people in white talking as if she can't hear them?!

"My God. There isn't anything left of her."
"How has she survived this long?"
"Doctor, what can we do? She looks half dead already!"
Too many things to think about. Too many people, barging so rudely into her business!  The needle goes through her arm, and she draws back- it pinches. 
The IV goes in, and Elisa rests her head on the stark white, ice cold pillow case. 

****

The next two days were different. Different...as consciousness was not a state Elisa remained in for long periods of time.
It wasn't until half way through the week she was well enough to walk around the hospital. 
After returning, she saw a beautiful spring arrangement of flowers at her bed side. 

"Spring brings new changes in its season, I hope we can start over too."

It's been well over 2 years now... Elisa still knew the handwriting on the card, though. 
She was asked to accept a call the next day, and there he was. 
She was ashamed he would see her as she was. She didn't want him knowing any more than he had to. 
But he didn't say anything at all. He went over to her bed, took up her frail hand in his strong hand, and kissed it. 

Elisa burst into tears. Being accepted wasn't what she thought it was. The world never accepted her when she followed the eating suit. They always pushed for more.
He, on the other hand, reached over and held her- fragile as she was, just like a doll. 
Her eyes were sunken in, her cheeks were not made up with shimmer and pink pigment - but the natural glow in her eyes took over, and her cheeks became rosy at the touch of his hand. 

She had been accepted all along, no changes needed. 




Sunday, January 16, 2011

If it's not like the movies- is that how it should be?

Katy Perry says it all in her new song "Not Like the Movies." 

"...they say you know when you know..."
Do you really believe that people trick themselves into believing someone isn't for them because of various reasons? Do people think they know what they want but really they don't after all?
"...when he's the one i'll come undone, and my world will stop spinning..."
Doesn't the infatuation make this happen? I don't know. Does you world stand still sometimes when you know he or she is there with you? I think it would. Maybe you will fight, but they could also be the one to-
"...finish all your sentences..."
So, does some cupid shoot you bloody and let you know it's your turn to finish a sentence, a thought, or a whispered dream?   Or does this happen through growing together with someone, learning all about them, and figuring out who they really are? 
"...someday my prince will come..."
So, what does this mean? We all have some gorgeous creature waiting in a corridor for us? mmmmi i think no. I mean, someday is a long day- or a short day. It doesn't (hardly ever ) mean today. But if it never means today....and it never means yesterday [of course]...then it must be tomorrow- but tomorrow is forever tomorrow..... we cant rely on someday.
"...cinematic and dramatic.."
When you meet him.... when you meet her.... it's going to be just like the movies. you will have those moments were you are in awe of each other, and nothing in the whole world matters. 

and that, my dear friend, is a fact of life.   
             muah! xoxo

Friday, January 14, 2011

One of those curious little chain things...

2010 RELATIONSHIPS

IN 2010 DID YOU...

1. Have A Best Friend?
Yes! :)

2. Gain/Lose Any Best Friends?
I dont consider a best friend someone who talks behind your back.. so nope! i didn't lose any best friends :)

3. Start A Relationship?
Yes.

4. End A Relationship?
Yes, that too

5. Meet Anyone New?
Of course!

6. ...Anyone Great?

Everyone is great in their own way so yes!

7. ...Anyone Terrible?
No way!

8. ...Anyone That Changed Your Life?
Ummm not particularly....

9. Fall Out Of Touch With Anyone?
Yes, probably

10. Get Closer To Anyone New?
No i dont think so...

11. Find Out Who Your True Friends Were?
Yes, as usual lol

12. Take The Next Step In A Relationship?
Nope!

13. Break A Heart?
I guess i did... but i didnt try to.

14. Have Your Heart Broken?
Sort of... but not really at the same time lol!


15. Disappoint Someone Close?
No Im glad i didnt!

16. Lose Anyone Close?
Family friends, yes.

17. Break A Promise To Someone?

I dont think so...

18. Miss Anyone?
Yes :)

19. Have Anyone Miss You?
Besides my family? im not sure, probably not! haha

20. What Are Your Relationship Plans For 2011?
All the Single Ladies! ( If you like it... put a ring on ittttt :)


2010 HOLIDAYS

1. How Did You Spend Your Birthday?
At School- class...

2. Did You Have A Valentine?
Nope. But my dog loves meee

3. How Did You Spend Spring Break?
Dyed my hair, got some bangs, and had some wine :)

4. Did The Easter Bunny Visit You?
Well yes he did!

5. What Did You Do For The 4th Of July?
My family had a party and friends came over!

6. How Did You Spend Columbus Day?
Gosh i have no idea!

7. What Did You Do To Celebrate Halloween?
I dressed up and went about the town :)
 8. How Many Thanksgiving Dinners Did You Attend?
One- mine!

9. What Was Your Favorite Christmas Gift?
My new iPod... or sockmonkey... or karaokee machine!

10. How Do You Plan To Spend New Years?
I spent it at my house!

LIFE 2010

IN 2010 DID YOU...

1. Do Well In School/At Work?
I think so?

2. Get A Tattoo?
No ooooo

3. Get Something Pierced?
Nope!

4. Move?
No

5. Get Sick?
Once or twice..

6. Become A Parent?
HAHA no no no

7. Change Up Your Style?
I dont think so...

8. See Any Band/Artists Live?
Goo Goo Dolls and the Spill Canvas

9. Do Something You Regret?
No!

10. Cry Yourself To Sleep?
Once i think?

11. Break A Promise?
No i dont think so..

12. Lie?
No.

13. Hide A Secret?
No.

14. Sleep Under The Stars?
No :(

15. Learn Something New About Yourself?
Yes :)

16. Try Something New?
Yes :)

17. Stay Up Over 24 Hours?
No way

18. Go On Vacation?
Sadly, no !

19. Change?
Probably..

20. Will You Change In 2011?
Im sure I will

2010 FAVORITES

WHAT WAS YOUR FAVORITE..OF 2010?

1. Movie
Salt?

2. Beverage
Water or Kefir 

3. Song
Song? too many!

4. Color
PINK

5. Band/Artist
i dont know that one...

6. TV Show
Criminal Minds!

7. Class
Uhhhhh Research Methods? Maybe? ? ?

8. Month
thats hard... i dont know!

9. Food
Pickles!!

10. Memory
TOO MANY :D

WRAP UP 2010

Was 2010 A Good Year?
Yes :)

Best Part Of 2010
That's tough! my internship ?

Worst Part Of 2010?
My dad losing his job :'(

Do You Think 2011 Will Top 2010?
YES! I hope!

The Pursuit of Happiness... or Lack There of!

Hello,

My my... it has been forever since we have chatted... hasn't it? I have received a few emails, met a few people, and Catholic Match updates are few and far between. But with my recent exposure to unhappy people in the world... I wanted to ask you a question:





Can we be happy here?

I mean, I would love to think we live in a gum drop forest, but we do not. Unfortunately we can't live like birds with our heads in the sand. I know and fully understand ( to the best of my knowledge that is haha- which is little i assure you!) that we can't be totally and perfectly happy on earth.
BUT! but but but. we CAN be joyful in what we are given, and live every day finding something to be happy about, right?
If you are getting engaged- you would be happy. If you werent... I would have to say your marriage wouldnt be pleasant either! haha
If you were praying alot about something, or someone- and things worked out- wouldnt you be happy?

Can we not be happy with the little imperfect happinesses that life brings? or do we only stay joyful for the sake of our good fortune when work is canceled or we get an A on a quiz? I thought joy and happiness were related?

Next topic.

So, I was talking to a friend of mine, I do consider him a brother to me.... told me something that I thought was fascinating. Want to hear? of course you do!! One because i said my friend told me something... or because you are sick bored and want something to do. lol!
Well, ok- he told me that guys are lower in nature, i think he was equating them with animal like tendencies when it came to sexual desires.

Do you believe this?

Do all guys really not care who you are or what you are... they only want the "final chapter" so to speak ....?

I dont believe it. I think it is a bunch of ridiculousness concocted as an excuse for when guys decide to let go of their inhibitions and do things that are supposed to not be done.

But that is my point, taking it or leaving it wont make me feel happy or sad.

Ill give you one more thing to think about:

My one acquaintance asked me something yesterday-

What is love to me?

I wasnt prepared to answer that- But i want to also ask you what you think before i rant about my own thoughts. :)

I will be posting some comments to my past posts I was emailed, and hopefully we can make clear some things that seem to be miss communicated =]

peace, love, and huge-swirly-lollipops,
<3